Adrian Trenholm Coda del gruppo

My jargon is better than your jargon

Nick Usbourne’s contest to write short lines that “protest the ridiculous jargon and cliches that permeate business language” has spawned some great entries. The winning entries have been applied to mugs which you can buy at cafepress. I think the price is a bit steep, but you have to like mugs which proclaim:

If my undivided attention is mission critical, we might have a problem

Shift my paradigm before I have had my morning coffee and I will core your competencies

and

Sorry I’m late, but my paradigm shifted over my integrated solution and I couldn’t gain traction

You can see who submitted what catchphase on Nick’s page. My favourites of the “also rans” come from Donald Carson:

I’m implementing a synergistic beverage action plan

Finally a concave interface for all my mission-critical caffeinated initiatives

and (how could this not have been a winner?), from Simon Young:

We appear to have begun an upstream shift while simultaneously experiencing a paddle deficiency

If you are ever tempted to write or speak like this, try being ruthlessly specific instead. In the words of contestant Mary Hughes:

If you still say ‘Think Outside the Box’ you don’t.

– “If you still say ‘Think Outside the Box’ you don’t.”

That’s the mug I want!

I used to work for a guy who could not stand to lose an argument. I came up with the following, said in a way that made him sound like he’d won - worked every time:

“Well, I certainly can’t fail to disagree with you on that point.”

Still comes in handy from time to time.

But It Sounded Good When The Consultant Said It

I’ve written before about my aversion to those who admonish us to think outside the box. Now, I have a brilliant Thatcherite retort: If you still say ‘Think Outside the Box’ you don’t.Thanks, Adrian for pointing me to the results of Nick Usbourn…

Super! And fantastic. I wish I had seen this sooner.